By C.B. Griffith
I took the pain to my HMO.
They said, “Take two Tylenol and call us next year.”
I took it to my orthopedist.
He offered me two new hips for the price of one.
I took it to my podiatrist.
He trimmed my nails and gave me the boot.
I took it to my neurologist.
He got on my nerves.
I took it to my my dermatologist.
He skinned me, but it didn’t go away.
I took it to my herbalist.
He handed me an acorn and said, “Eat this.”
I took it to my acupuncturist.
He stuck me for a couple hundred.
I took it to my psychiatrist.
He said it wasn’t in my leg, it was in my head.
I took it to my proctologist.
He just gave me a pain in the butt.
I took it to my paleotantric faith healer.
He didn’t believe me.
I finally took it to Dr. Ptak,
Who hooked me up to his leatherette rack,
And just when I thought my bones would crack,
He took away the years of pain.
And – just for good measure –
He took my cane.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]